It seems we are always trying to fill some preconceived mold as to what our life is “supposed to be like.” We tell ourselves we need to have “X” and we should be doing “Y,” but because we are engaged with neither, we berate and beat ourselves up for not achieving them. We scream at ourselves for “always falling short!” Consequently, there is also a gigantic “failure” neon sign blinking within our consciousness, which then robs us of joy within the Now moment of our experience.
When we deep-dive into our spiritual self and examine this idea of “what life is supposed to be like” we see that it is really a set of ideas and beliefs that we are grasping with all our might as goals and objectives. But are they really YOUR goals and objectives -- or simply EXPECTATIONS? There’s a fine line here.
I found myself in this very predicament, when I discovered that a lot of my inner frustrations and sense of failure wasn’t tied to MY OWN objectives and goals, but rather a certain palette of expectations that had been built up over time about what life “should be” like. This palette was created from many sources – childhood observations and experiences, peers, and societal narratives. However, on closer inspection, I had to question the validity of it all.
What we are taught about life from others is naturally tainted with that person’s own limiting ideas and beliefs – thus filtered and not likely to be a true account of reality’s nature; it can only be regarded as someone else’s opinion. The opinion may or may not have value… but is it really YOUR opinion? Or have you simply accepted somebody else’s judgment, along with the potential fall-out it may bring? The narrative that society gives us is naturally biased in favor of its own goals: money and keeping the economy flowing -- a totally man-made paradigm that, again, cannot give an accurate representation of Life (That’s Life with a capital “L”). When we examine our beliefs about Life, how many of our ideas are really our own, or something we have accepted willy-nilly because that’s what we were told? And of those that are our own, are they really the truth ABOUT reality, but not really OF reality?
What we are dealing with when we bring all of these narratives and beliefs together is nothing more than a set of expectations regarding our relationship to our experiences. Are we measuring up or are we falling short?
But here’s the thing about expectations: they naturally LIMIT our experience.
What do I mean?
When we have an expectation about something – anything – what we are doing is trying to define a future experience within a type of boundary system which the expectation sets up. An expectation (especially when it comes to the big ideas about living Life), is a set of parameters that we either meet or fall short of, based on the nature of the expectation. However, when we look closely at this process, it reveals itself as being incredibly limiting for our journeys. How? Well, we either meet the expectation or we miss it… but what about the possibility of *surpassing* it? What about an experience that completely blows the expectation out of the water – in a radical and miraculous way? Have you ever noticed that when it’s a very hardline expectation we are clutching on to, you either meet it or miss it, but you never really consider surpassing it?
This is what “great expectations” do for me. They try to define something regarding experience, lock it into place, but unfortunately it also robs me of other possibilities -- including the chance to surpass the initial perspective.
To this, it’s important to define within one’s self: Is something we’re holding on to about the nature of experience an “expectation” or a “chosen standard”? For some, it is a fine line. Yes, I have certain standards for living life, but standards don’t necessarily equate to hardline expectations. Yes, I know it can get murky here, but this is why Spiritual Exploration is important, versus surfing through existence and not paying much attention. For me, if I am living my standards, then it’s important to examine the expectations within my soul and determine if they are truly worthwhile, or if they are just a set of ideas/beliefs doing more to rob me of joy by creating a limiting framework of possibilities?
I urge you, when it comes to the big ideas and beliefs about your life, really examine your expectations, for they are constructing the walls you will measure your experiences with. Are they limiting you? Are they a burden upon your shoulders – especially if they are ideas collected from others and not yourself?
If so, discard them. Have no expectations. It may bring you a newfound sense of freedom; the ability to let go and enjoy Life (with a capital “L”) in the Now moment versus trying to wrangle it into a pre-conceived mold… A mold which may rob you of something greater from happening.